Yesterday, during a Zoom call (Ah! The joyous world of the pandemic) my girlfriend got sidetracked and began sharing, at my encouraging, the details of the quick passing of her mother due to pancreatic cancer.
She apologized profusely throughout, and even stopped a few times, but I could tell she needed to go on. "You don't want to hear this." "Why am I talking about this?" Or even, " I need to shut-up, I shouldn't talk about this!" She was tearing up, and her arms were fluttering with emotion.
I encouraged her to keep talking. I wanted her to keep sharing. The compulsion to reveal the details was so obvious. I watched my screen, and had a realization. There really is no easy time to lose a parent, is there? I had passed through the loss of my parents already. I have also supported a few of my friends through their own parental losses. The scenarios of greed among her siblings sounded eerily familiar. The examples of selfishness also echoed in my own family. In addition, there were many parallels in my friend's stories, as well. Who suits up? Who rolls up their sleeves, and says, "What I can do help?" Or, " I will do whatever needs to be done?" And then one wonders who are the ones who instead shirk their responsibilities? Who are the ones who run, and hide because they can't believe what is happening? And finally, what about the ones that simply can't take the pain, and the grief? We cannot forget the select few who cannot tolerate this pain, and disappear.
I sat back in awe. I knew then that amends were in order.
My mom passed 2 years ago. I understand all of the pain and every icky thing that comes with it. I feel for anyone going through it. I am so glad that you are a good friend!
ReplyDeleteI, like you, have already seen my parents to the other side and have stood with friends as they do the same. You have nailed the parallels of what happens in nearly every family at this time.
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly, or perhaps not, many of the questions posed here can also be applied when it comes to weddings.
Weddings and funerals either bring out the best or the worst in some people. That so many can relate proves that it is part and parcel of the human condition.
Zoom and grieving/stages of grief...surely there's been a lot of that this past year. Most "zoom in the time of pandemic" stories are about colleagues, communities,friends, families, etc. connecting. Until reading your post, I didn't think about the coping with loss aspect.
ReplyDeleteThen, Googling "zoom and grieving" I found quite a lot, including at least one healthcare site with a "Grieving SupportGroups: Remote, Virtual and Online" page. Personal zooming sounds so much better
Is it almost over? I hope so
DeleteHaving lost my dad two years ago, I understand your friend's need to talk about it all and I am so grateful that your friend had you to be a willing and loving listener. Sending prayers to all of us children who have lost parents, no matter how old they are . . .no matter ow old we are, it is always too soon.
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