Well, that's a deep one.
I can say that since I have started slowing down, and examining things closely there has been a subtle change. For me, by changing my lens, slowing down, and noticing small details it has actually caused me to see more beauty.
And I am also happy to report that slowing down, and seeing that beauty in unexpected things has effected my mood.
Baby steps, folks.
There is quite a lot being said nowadays about slowing down or for that matter even being still. And I have to confess I have not only been very curious about this philosophy, but also dabbled a bit.
It took a bit, and I struggled at first. I thought for sure I should be doing something else- like crossing a task off my "To Do" list, etc. But, I fought the urge. Gradually I have built up a few breaks in my day to be still.
Slowing down or being still helps you notice little things. Like the rustle of the trees, and the feeling of the soft breeze on your hair, or maybe against your skin. I like to be still when I hear a crackling in a bush or a tree and often I can sometimes gage the size of the animal by the magnitude of the sound. Often I try to distinguish the bird calls, and delight when I hear one I don't know.
If you slow down to a pace that is right for you, and start paying attention to little things you inevitably see more beauty. Try to take pleasure from what you are doing or not doing. And who knows? Things that you once found very important may even shift?
Living slowly is a stepping stone to good health. Living slow can actually calm breathing, and reduce stress.
The REST is up to you.
See how I did that?
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Childhood trauma is funny. It never goes away. That wound shapes you, molds you, and if you're one of the lucky ones -that same wound will eventually scab over.
But it's always there.
I stood in front of my grandparents house last week. I looked down that same sandy sidewalk I ran barefoot on, rode my bike on, and even colored on with my crayons. In fact, I went to bed that night without dinner because of that very unappreciated impromptu art session.
The lawn was full of that same tall, silky grass that I was pretty sure would still feel like velvet between my toes. I bent down to breathe in that familiar smoky scent of the Boxwoods for good measure.
I had an urge to hug that little girl and tell her everything would be okay someday.
Because it finally was.
PHINEAS GOES SCARY
Every year his pug pack went out as a pack of pumpkins. Every year they heard the same thing.
"Aren't those pugs the cutest?"
But Phineas didn't want to be cute. He didn't want to be adorable, either.
Phineas wanted to be scary.
"Phineas! Nope. We have to be pumpkins. That's what we are every year."
Phineas looked at the pile of pumpkin costumes and at his brother. Even his wrinkles wrinkled.
Everyone got their costume on. Phineas took his place in line but his curly tail drooped.
And then he saw the white sheet blowing on the clothes line and had a terrifying idea.
"Trick or treat!" the pack of pugs yapped.
The door opened and revealed a smiling old man.
"Esther! You gotta see this! There is the scariest, most adorable little ghost here."
A woman appeared behind the man. She was moving slowly with a walker.
"Gerald, would you look at this ghost's stout little legs?" She bent down and dropped something in Phineas' bag. Then she scratched his head.
Cute and scary?
He looked down at the two bones in his bag.
Phineas could live with that.
I'm feeling so weird about this. I know I'm too sensitive, I know life and death interchange and they are part of life BUT. . .
This morning as I stood in my yard quietly nursing a cup of coffee before the sun rise I heard a hawk. I smiled to myself because I'm a birder now. I have many bird feeders, I have a smart feeder, and and even a very clever app. I have identified over 20+ bird species in my yard, either by physical description or by their call.
I use suet, hummingbird, songbird, and birdseed feeders
Are you impressed?
Well, I was.
Later on this morning while doing dishes, and gazing out my window, I saw a whole bunch of white nestled in the grass. I knew instinctively what it was. I went outside cautiously, found the spot on the lawn, and crouched down.
There in the circle, was as I suspected, the remains of a very small bird. A small bird who came to the Gersho yard for breakfast- not to be breakfast.
I'm not blaming myself. I'm not even saying anything really.
I'm just noticing the cause and effect in the world.
You know it hit me the other day. And I want to be very clear it had nothing to do with those popular Progressive insurance commercials where the message is "Don't become like your parents," etc.
I remember that my dad always had a rubber band around his wrist. I don't know why? I guess to have one handy? His trusty kitchen was chock full of reused margarine tubs, free bank calendars, stacks of expired coupons, and of course a tub of the elusive rubber bands.
Well, if you are wondering, as a matter of fact I did find one around my wrist the other day, and I'm not going to even mention what is in my utility drawer.
At least they are not in an old margarine tub.
I remember that stupid bumper sticker. I want to say it was in the 80's or 90's? Not sure, but I know I thought it was obnoxious and cliche. BE HERE NOW.
Yes, to answer your question I do fall into the "too judgmental," category from time to time. I'm working on it. But, that's another slice.
This morning wandering my backyard I was remembering George Harrison's quote (which I'm sure he borrowed from some philosophy- Indian or Buddhist) which is, "Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is the future, all we have is today."
If you try to live in that. . . I mean really TRY and live in that- it's a beautiful space. It's magic at its' very core. Don't think of something else. don't try to hold on, and don't post a picture of it. You get where I am going?
If you can stay there the lens from which you see things can be life changing.
Okay, now I sound like a bumpersticker. . . .
