I remember when my kids were toddlers and my father was still alive. I had this wild epiphany. I mean it was a big one, too. I was just watching them play in the grass and suddenly I really "saw" them. I really took them in at that exact moment. And despite all the sleepless nights, night terrors, colic episodes, and whatever else they brought to the table, I looked at them full on with reverence. My father and I were on the phone at that moment and I shared, "I don't think I've done anything better than make these little beings."
He was aghast.
My father the most learned individual I have ever known, even to this day, who measured every human being by what they did, what they accomplished, what school they had gone to, or how much intelligence they possessed was sputtering. " I didn't raise you to be barefoot, and pregnant in the kitchen."
Now mind you, I had already come to a point in my life where the sun no longer rose or set on my father. In addition, I no longer believed everything he said- nor agreed with every statement. This change was a big shift in my life because I was raised by him, and he was larger than life.
So what he said (unbelievable as it may seem) didn't shock me, or hurt me. In fact I think of it instead as yet another pivotal shift in my life. It was a time where he seemed smaller to me. I had compassion for him because he was missing so much.
