Bad Dream?

Anyone else feel like Covid was a bad dream? I was trying to sort out some late charges at my gym last night and I discovered several missed class fees that ashamedly I had never seen before. All of them fell during the year of lock down.

     Now believe me, the financial piece of this will be taken care of at another time, and I promise not to bore you with the details.

    My main point is that never in my life have I had such a space of time that was so "gray" to me. It was almost like memory loss.  (I mean I guess how I imagined memory loss to be). I literally had to write the  exact dates down of the charges, and dive deep down into 2020 and 2021 month-by-month. And even then I felt like I was walking on the moon.

    Keep in mind that I am former elementary school teacher and every day (from Ground Hog Day to the 100th Day) is pretty much  indelibly etched into my mind.  And even when I did go back, and look at those days on a 2020 or 2021 calendar they were still sort elusive. It was like a fog to me. Was I really there? Did I really teach like that? Did I really teach on a screen for nine months? Did I really wear a mask in every public place I visited?   

    I remember reading somewhere that your brain has the capability to protect itself, and block out really painful times.  I rest my case.

Ponderings

 

   I often wonder what in the TARNATION would my great- grandparents think of the world, or much less think of me?

   My father uprooted us at a young age (due to a family tragedy) and I did not grow up in North Carolina where there were cousins by the dozens, everyone knew who you were, and exactly what you were doing.  Most importantly, I did not grow up in the tiny town of Buies Creek where the university my great- grandfather founded now flourishes. 

   I grew up with a blanket of anonymity, and in their eyes a sea of people. Therefore I think I was kinda set up to crave the closeness that permeates a small town.

   That's why sometimes when I gaze at these old photos my imagination runs wild. The photo above is the home my great- grandparents lived in while tending their farm, letting students board, and basically "getting it all done." I can't help but wonder. I can't help but compare. I stare at the tiny windows and wish I could peer inside just for a second. Life was so much simpler, yet also more laborious. How do we measure up, or do we?

Post Holiday Let Down

 

    Well, my daughter just left at the crack of down. She is headed back to her demanding, and crazy boss in sunny southern California. We just wrapped up both holidays (Hanukkah and Christmas) and managed to cram in as many rituals, and traditions that our small little nuclear family has.

    It was beautiful right? I am SO blessed; that is a fact.  

    Then why do I feel like I was hit by a bus?

    Hmm, maybe it was the baking, the constant compromising, the schedule changes, the last minute store runs, the Christmas Cards, the extra post office trips, the menu planning, the late night wrapping, or even a trip to the emergency vet?

    Sheesh!  I'm exhausted just typing this.

    You know what? I liken our holidays to childbirth. And why do I make this outrageous comparison? Well, that's because there will be repeat performance our holiday madness next year, and we will love every minute of it.