Phineas Goes Scary

PHINEAS GOES SCARY

     Every year his pug pack went out as a pack of pumpkins. Every year they heard the same thing.

     "Aren't those pugs the cutest?"

But Phineas didn't want to be cute. He didn't want to be adorable, either.

Phineas wanted to be scary.

"Phineas! Nope. We have to be pumpkins. That's what we are every year."

Phineas looked at the pile of pumpkin costumes and at his brother. Even his wrinkles wrinkled.

Everyone got their costume on. Phineas took his place in line but his curly tail drooped.

And then he saw the white sheet blowing on the clothes line and had a terrifying idea.

     "Trick or treat!" the pack of pugs yapped.

The door opened and revealed a smiling old man.

     "Esther! You gotta see this! There is the scariest, most adorable little ghost here."

A woman appeared behind the man. She was moving slowly with a walker.

     "Gerald, would you look at this ghost's stout little legs?" She bent down and dropped something in Phineas' bag. Then she scratched his head.

     Cute and scary?

     He looked down at the two bones in his bag.

     Phineas could live with that.

Cause and Effect

 

  I'm feeling so weird about this. I know I'm too sensitive, I know life and death interchange and they are part of life BUT. . . 

    This morning as I stood in my yard quietly nursing a cup of coffee before the sun rise I heard a hawk.  I smiled to myself because I'm a birder now. I have many bird feeders, I have a smart feeder, and and even a very clever app. I have identified over 20+ bird species in my yard, either by physical description or by their call.

   I use suet, hummingbird, songbird, and birdseed feeders

   Are you impressed?

   Well, I was.

   Later on this morning while doing dishes, and gazing out my window, I saw a whole bunch of white nestled in the grass. I knew instinctively what it was. I went outside cautiously, found the spot on the lawn, and crouched down.

   There in the circle, was as I suspected, the remains of a very small bird. A small bird who came to the Gersho yard for breakfast- not to be breakfast.

   I'm not blaming myself. I'm not even saying anything really.

   I'm just noticing the cause and effect in the world.

Sinking Feeling

 

   You know it hit me the other day. And I want to be very clear it had nothing to do with those popular  Progressive insurance commercials where the message is "Don't become like your parents," etc.

    I  remember that my dad always had a rubber band around his wrist. I don't know why? I guess to have one handy? His trusty kitchen was chock full of reused margarine tubs, free bank calendars, stacks of expired coupons, and of course a tub of the elusive rubber bands.

   Well, if you are wondering, as a matter of fact I did find one around my wrist the other day, and I'm not going to even mention what is in my utility drawer. 

    At least they are not in an old margarine tub.

      

Be Here Now

 

   I remember that stupid bumper sticker. I want to say it was in the 80's or 90's? Not sure, but I know I thought it was obnoxious and cliche. BE HERE NOW.

   Yes, to answer your question I do fall into the "too judgmental," category from time to time. I'm working on it. But, that's another slice.

     This morning wandering my backyard I was remembering George Harrison's quote (which I'm sure he borrowed from some philosophy- Indian or Buddhist) which is, "Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is the future, all we have is today."

  If you try to live in that. . . I mean really TRY and live in that- it's a beautiful space. It's magic at its' very core. Don't think of something else. don't try to hold on, and don't post a picture of it. You get where I am going? 

   If you can stay there the lens from which you see things can be life changing.

   Okay, now I sound like a bumpersticker. . . .

Star Jasmine or Honeysuckle

   If there were a walking, living version of Cliff Notes it would be my Dad. Or maybe this is better example for the Gen Z-ers, if Wikipedia were an actual person, it would be my Dad.

   My Dad knew something (and often a whole lotta something) about everything. And I'm not exaggerating.  Both his parents were doctors, He went to college when he was 15.  Education, and knowledge were highly valued in his home.

   When I spent time with him outdoors I had to listen to him identify every plant, rock, star, or insect.  If we were indoors topics might range from music, art, literature, history or even politics. The time frame could be anywhere from past to present.  As I grew older I quickly learned to ask him for the Cliff Notes version, and I'm talking about the summary at the front of the booklet. Out of necessity I became preemptive. 

    "Dad, I have to ask you something, and I need the 10-15 minute version."

   When he passed away (very quickly to cancer) i planted these fragrant bushes in front of our house to remind me of our walks when I was a child. Me, just wanting the soft serve at the end of our walk, and him pointing out all the constellations, and telling their stories. I  remember nodding an affirmation as he spoke when truthfully my mind was just fixated on that future vanilla creaminess.

    The hedge is so full and healthy now after 23 years, and so unbelievably fragrant. I love to stop and smell it, but honestly I can smell it right when I open our front door. I was never sure when I planted it  whether it was Star Jasmine, or honeysuckle.

    I know who would know.

The Doctor is IN

     I've been playing around, and researching the idea of the restorative powers of the outdoors. I fell upon it by mistake. I just happened to notice how much I was enjoying being outside in the mornings. And if I worked, had a responsibility, or traveled I really found myself missing it.

     Almost craving it.

     Then as I started to read, and research I discovered so much. 

     There is a healing impact. There are also therapeutic benefits. Think low stress and even improving mood.  Reconnecting with nature lowers both anxiety and depression. It can also make one feel connected and give a sense of belonging in the world. These are obviously two very important components to one's mental health. In addition being outdoors can provide a brief escape from our world, its' overwhelming intensity, and overstimulating screens.

    There is actually a science now called EcoTherapy.

    Did I mention being outside can improve cognitive functioning?

    I may just move into my backyard.

   

Light Bulb Lighted

   I've noticed a pattern lately in my retirement from teaching for 30 years that I think I am beginning to understand.

   My heart, my head, and my instincts now go out to the kids who are at risk, struggling, and can be behavior problems. When I am subbing these kids are easy to recognize, they materialize immediately, and I find myself gravitating towards them throughout the day.

    Now I want to clarify. It wasn't that I was ignoring them when I was in the classroom full time. I want to make that clear. However, when you are teaching you have SO many pots on the stove. You are that waiter who either is bringing out so many meals on a platter, or that busboy with the overloaded tray with all the dishes. So, I know this sounds horrible but these kiddos were just some of the many needs I was trying to meet. Trying to meet.

     Do you get what I mean?

     Educators wear so many hats.

     Educators wear too many hats.

     And so I have been noticing that these kids, these kids who are square pegs, who either don't "get" what is going on, or they don't want to "get" it. They are now like magnets for me.

    I kneel down and whisper. I check in with them throughout the day. Sometimes, I go and find them on the playground at recess,  or I try to strike up conversations with them when they line up, or even as we walk through the school grounds.

   And I understand now that I never had the time for this before. I never could have seen this before during my typical school day ( AND NIGHT).  And think I really understand now the absolute full scope, and depth of what is being asked of public school educators every day. 

    And I also forgive myself.

  

A Gift

 

Spending time with my adult daughter and discovering that I not only love my kid, but I also enjoy spending time with her as an adult is such a GIFT.

   I know it doesn't have to be that way.

   I also know I'm gonna love her no matter what.

   But sitting with her for dinner the other night and just taking her in was pure MAGIC.  I just reveled in her animated talk about her job, politics, the world, animal rights, etc. 

   I just wanted to drink it all in.

   In fact, I can't help but smile when I think of her.  And when I do, I think of her fiery spirit, her passion and her endless positive energy.

   And make no mistake- I know I am blessed.

Yet Another Layer

   I don'r presume, or claim to have the corner on sad moments in life but I gotta say that emptying out the storage space of an alcoholic is definitely up there.

   I also need to add that alcoholism is a gift that keeps on giving. And just when you think you have hit your threshold for pain you get a big surprise.

   I was dreading this task, and I was definitely not seeking it out. I thought it would be like cleaning out the garage, maybe? I thought it would be a physically taxing job.

    But it was that, and so much more.

     Each box held a memory. Each box held a feeling. Sometimes, the boxes held frustration or evidence of my sister's alcoholism. Mostly the boxes held items simply demonstrating a life that was no longer being lived. I took in rugs, wall art, and even refrigerator magnets that had all played a role in an active, and busy life. 

     I remembered those rugs. I sat at that table. I ate off those plates.

     Yet another new way the disease has impacted our family, and me.

     Still her younger sister but no longer anything else.

    

Small Moments

   

    I have been thinking recently about the whole idea of whether or not small moments are really big ones.

    Now hold on- here me out.

    I can't remember how I fell upon this concept but I must admit it really got me thinking.

    Now I'm not gonna bog my point down with a bunch of examples because that not only gets inside of your head but it also deflects from the power of this idea.

    How do you test this theory? I'm not there is a concrete way.

    But

    Just think of the typical milestones, or the biggest events in your life and let the idea rest there. Yes, they are important. Yes, they are significant. 

    But 

    Think of your child's first smile, think of a blade of grass covered with dew, the sound of the surf, the timber of a loved one's voice. . . . and on, and on. . . .

    Let that ruminate.

    So the next time you are out, and going about your day, try to take in a "small moment" with that different lens. 

    Slow down. Look closely.

   When you get in that groove, and stop and take things in this way, the results might be transformative.

Perseverance

   Can I just say we could learn SO much from nature if we only took the time to stop and listen? If we only took the time to stop, and bear witness. 

     I watched these guys from inside my warm and dry kitchen.There they are, in the pouring rain, devouring this songbird mix despite being pelted down upon in torrential rain. 

    I also watched them patiently waiting their turn. I don't know how they know when they are done, and  when it's the next bird's turn? They only take their share, and then they willingly let another bird have their turn. How do they measure this?

   I think of the world today. Maybe, you think I am reaching? How could I possibly be relating the behavior of birds to current events? Oh but I am. I'm looking at absolutely everything now. I'm trying to make sense of current events and basic human behavior that I have never witnessed in my lifetime.

   But I will confess that watching them take turns, persevere, and all the while implementing a sense of order is beautiful to behold.

Art Therapy?

      I spent my day yesterday like most of us I imagine- numb, shell shocked and sort of going through the motions. I did have some writing to do for a class so I did that, and then I ended up down a rabbit hole. As a former 5th grade teacher I suddenly found myself researching some U.S. history (Bill of Rights) to ease my mind.

   Not sure that happened BUT I did feel validated. Okay, Bill of Rights WAS created to balance government. Okay, Bill of Rights safeguards individual liberties.

   I digress.

   I read somewhere the power of the arts during times of despair and hopelessness.

   I think this is one of those times.

   Art therapy is producing art to release your pain, feelings, and push you out of paralysis.

   It brings about your well being and social change.

   Not sure about the last part.

   But I am going to keep writing, drawing, and doing what little I can to push back, but also being a "helper."

   That is when I'm not outside hiking, and taking deep, deep breaths.

Everyone's Perceptions

 

    My siblings and I gathered this past weekend In New Mexico for noshing, talking, outings, walking and more noshing. 

   Sadly, It had taken 36 years for us to get together and just simply hang out. We had no social events or rites of passage that drew us together this time. We gathered just for "us."

    After we sufficiently caught up on each other's family, our chatter inevitably fell upon the past. Childhood memories, talk of our grandparents, parents, and eventually a traumatic childhood event that we all shared was on the table.

   Each of us recounted our own perceptions of the chain of circumstances that led up to that event, and its' aftermath.

    A big take away that weekend for me was how each individual's perception could be radically different, somewhat different, or even similar to my own- yet all of our perceptions were right ones. All of our views of the event are correct simply because they are ours. 

     And all three versions can be true at once.

     I don't think I fully grasped this concept before this get together. I'm not sure I fully honored their lens. Almost like puzzle pieces, they all (equally weighted), fit together to create the event.

    I am also grateful for this past weekend because it not only helped me understand my brother and sister, but also love them even more.

      A second big takeaway is the fact it's both fascinating and tragic to see who in a family survives a childhood trauma and why.

      But that, my friends, is a topic for yet another slice. . . .

Dr. Nature is "In"

 

   Recently I discovered research to support what my heart and body seemed to already know: that being outside is GOOD for you.

    When I think back to childhood, I think like many children I loved playing outside. As a child, and even as an adult, I enjoyed walks, beaches, camping, hiking and even backpacking. And at the same time I  became aware of those who were indifferent to the outdoors. 

   I do think after Covid, and after some "extremely bumpy" times in my family I somehow began to find myself outside in the early mornings, nursing my cup of coffee, just hanging with the birds. And if additional resources might be needed that morning- for instance: a down jacket or even a Petzl headlamp, I complied.

    I still haven't quite mustered the umbrella, yet.

    And it was when I started noticing how I felt when traveled or something else caused me to miss my outdoor morning ritual that I decided to do some investigating.

     Who knew that my outdoor craving significantly enhanced mental, emotional and physical well being? I wasn't aware that there is actually scientific evidence that nature heals.

     And don't even get me started on forest bathing!

    Yes, being outdoors lifts mood, reduces stress, has physical health benefits and even boosts creativity, but you know what?  I  just know that I intrinsically need it.

Coincidences

      My parent's families couldn't be more different. . . . my father's parents were both doctors and my mother's parents were academics. My mom's parents were very social and prominent in their community while my dad's parents kept a somewhat lower profile, and pretty much immersed themselves in the medical world.

   Yet, they both shared an amazing parallel. Both sets of parents had their adult children fall ill, and return to their home, and live with them. 

    Obviously, this is not what might fall under a "happy coincidence."

    But I can't help but wonder if they had compassion for each other? Each one dealing with their own individual set of impossible circumstances yet still managing to hold it all with grace. Each being faced with an unbearable task, yet quietly forging on.

   It's hard to know. I know there was a civility between the families. I also know my mother's parents weren't exactly feeling all the warm fuzzies towards my dad's parents, or even my dad for that matter.  Since my mother had fallen ill, and my father couldn't manage my mother and the four kids, he had fallen out of favor.  

And that's putting it mildly.

He was actually the reason she was back in her childhood home.

Were they aware of these commonalities?

Did they see them?

It's made me very open to so many different types of familial circumstances as an adult. It's also given me another lens to look through in parenting.

Mostly, it's given me empathy to other parents who are in similar situations.  

I know what they are going through.

** This post really resonated with me after the recent terrible tragedy in the Reiner family.

Awareness

         I know I've written about this before and just so you know, just because I'm cognizant of it, because I'm aware of it, does not, by any means, mean I am 100% practicing it.

     I am trying.

     The principle is to change your thoughts. If you are putting out high energy, high vibrations, then you will get them back. Like attracts like. Its's science. It's the law of attraction.

    Honestly, most of the time I'm just trying to survive while I'm driving, or in another similar type situation. I do look down at the little rainbow card I made (I keep in my car) and think, "Ok. You're in the yellow. No wonder. " I try to relax, or even smile. Sometimes, it helps just to know. And once in awhile, I will purposely try to shift out of that emotion.

  It is my body will be the first thing that betrays me when I'm in these lower vibration emotions. My posture, my jawline and even my hands signal me.

   When we change our thoughts, we change how we feel, and change what feelings we are experiencing. If one can ultimately alter one's thoughts and emotions - one can alter their reality.

  I know, right?

  I am NOWHERE near that stage, folks BUT I feel a little bit better when I'm more aware. 

  I'll take that.

Light & Dark

 

     I attended my niece's wedding this weekend. And like most weddings it was beautiful. However, I must add that EVERY single aspect of this wedding reflected intention: from custom made wood fired pizzas to the handwritten notes for each guest.

     The vibe, and the energy interwoven throughout the night also was also connected to the young couple. Both the openness, and friendliness of all the guests without a doubt represented the pair. And the love between them? It was palatable. He loves her SO!

    My two siblings and our respective families had come to support our niece as her own parents were not invited. It was more than important for each of us to be there. Both parents were absent while growing up, and were not present for a myriad of reasons. She has completely disengaged from both of them. In addition, due to unmentionable transgressions she chose to not include them in the wedding.  Ironically, my siblings and I were also motherless growing up with a father who was not "father of the year," material. Her healthy choice to distance herself from her parents really resonated with us, and we were determined to show up for her.

   See the parallels?

   So I cried a lot that day. The waterworks started as she came down the aisle with her cousin. I cried because she was so beautiful, and I cried because her mother wasn't there. Mostly, I cried because I knew she would be more than alright.

The Reluctant Leaf Fall Writing Frenzy 2025

     "We practiced this, Maple! Just go already! Jump!"

     "Are you sure I won't get hurt?" Maple's veins were quivering.

     "Look kid, you were supposed to go yesterday."

     "I thought you wanted to fly?" His brother tried again.

     "Maybe, I should stay just a bit longer? That way I can process a bit more chlorophyll?"

     "Squirt, you aren't even taking in chlorophyll anymore. Have you looked in the mirror lately?  Newsflash:you're YELLOW! Besides, you have a bigger job now."

Maple's margins tightened.

     "I do?" He gulped.

     "They need you down there for the soil.You're gonna be even more useful as many parts.You'll help plants grow, put nutrients in the soil, you might even be a house for a bug."

     "Maple!"

He looked down to see his cousin.

     "OMG! It's so soft down here!"

     "It doesn't even hurt, and it feels like you're flying," she promised.

Maple liked the idea of helping out, but he'd always dreamt of flying. But it was probably the tiny tear in his petiole that sealed the deal. With a brightness and joy almost like no other leaf, Maple circled down, and made his way towards something more.

The power of JOY

 

     Yes, you heard me, reclaim that recess joy. 

     Have you ever been at a school when the recess bell rings, and the children start spilling out? They come shooting out of those doors, and the energy and voice levels are palatable. It's not only intense but the squeals and laughter can be infectious.

   Something so simple like doing whatever makes you happy leads to improved mental health and better relationships with others.

    Oh, and it reduces stress AND makes you happy.

    What are you waiting for?!

Be Here Now

     I'm sitting outside, in the early morning quiet. The blades of grass have beads of dew on them as big as dimes. The sun has started in the east and the sky has just begun to light. I fill the feeders and go sit down. My neighbor's 80's music revival hasn't started yet so and it's just me, and hopefully some  birds. I park myself on some outdoor furniture and wait. It won't be long. First, they come and alight on the fence, and then maybe tree. Finally, one goes straight to the feeder, and then another. I love to listen to them talk to each other.

And then I hear a bird call I don't recognize.

It's beautiful. It's so unique.

I freeze. 

Should I?

I go inside to grab my phone to use my app that identifies birds by their calls.

I open the sliding doors like a ninja, and quietly return to the patio.

I hold my phone up.

The bird and its' sweet song are gone.

Discouraged I find the couch and finish my coffee. 

 And then I lie to myself that I won't lose a quiet moment like that again.