My mother got sick when I was little, went without oxygen, and ended up with significant brain damage. So, in her case she was "here" with us, but also sometimes not. It was hard to explain, and often easier to not elaborate. The state of confusion was real. I can still see their knitted collective brows now asking, "Is she alive?" And of course the follow up, "Well, I'm sorry I don't understand. Why doesn't she live with you again?"
My sister is a practicing alcoholic. We discovered her alcoholism about six years ago. In and out of rehabs she cannot seem to get well. Again, hard to explain, and definitely easier to not elaborate. " Where does your sister live?" someone inevitably will query. Or even, "What does she do?" Someone might innocently inquire.
My own painful shame equals the pity emanating from their faces. The irony of these parallels are not lost on me.
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable post. Each of us carries some painful shame and don't want to elaborate. You don't owe anyone explanations.
ReplyDeleteSorry that last post was from me. I didn't mean to be anonymous.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this, it must be difficult to explain.
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