From the moment I first dropped her off at the airport to head off to college and she blurted out incredulously, "Are you crying?" she has been cognizant of her power.
I think she was both taken aback, but also secretly relishing the idea that she could evoke these deep feelings from me. From then on, there seemed to be no turning back.
Every drop off, and every parting in the driveway involves a sly, cocking of the head, and even sometimes a look over to shoulder to more closely examine mom's eyes.
And I don't mind, mind you. It's almost as if she is gauging, or checking the water. You DO still love me she is essentially asking. And if I disappoint her (as the partings over the years have grown more commonplace) and have no water works display for her at that moment, I will shake my head. And no matter what I do she doesn't believe me. She will hold me at arms length, and study my eyes furtively before making the final decision.
And sometimes she will rub my arm affectionately and quip, "That's alright mom. Sometimes, this kinda stuff hits you later. At least, it does for me." And usually at that point she will smile, and wave and drive off. Even if her window is up I can still hear the music.
And I know she is right. This stuff will hit me later.
My mom heart feels what you write. You write well.
ReplyDeleteWe are kindred spirits!
DeleteI’m glad u r with me in solidarity!
ReplyDeletePerfectly captures the gut-wrenching moment of saying goodby to our grown children. Well written, Morna! Instantly brought me back to dozens of tear-soaked drives heading home alone from airport drop offs.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how old they are parting still, "evoke(s) these deep feelings." You chose a topic that resonates with mothers so well.
ReplyDeleteI love the writing and the sentiment behind it. Great opening sentence and the "checking the water" line. I am with you on this, having two adult daughters of my own.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your tears. My daughter and son both live in Pittsburgh and I live about 5 hours away. I so treasure the time I spend with them but at that goodbye the tears just flow. I even shed more tears later as I relive that time together. Happy and sad intertwined.
ReplyDeleteI still have young kids, but my heart feels what you feel sometimes just lying in bed at night watching them on the monitor. There is never enough time and kids grow way too quickly! But I love your love for each other.
ReplyDelete