A Gift

 

Spending time with my adult daughter and discovering that I not only love my kid, but I also enjoy spending time with her as an adult is such a GIFT.

   I know it doesn't have to be that way.

   I also know I'm gonna love her no matter what.

   But sitting with her for dinner the other night and just taking her in was pure MAGIC.  I just reveled in her animated talk about her job, politics, the world, animal rights, etc. 

   I just wanted to drink it all in.

   In fact, I can't help but smile when I think of her.  And when I do, I think of her fiery spirit, her passion and her endless positive energy.

   And make no mistake- I know I am blessed.

Yet Another Layer

   I don'r presume, or claim to have the corner on sad moments in life but I gotta say that emptying out the storage space of an alcoholic is definitely up there.

   I also need to add that alcoholism is a gift that keeps on giving. And just when you think you have hit your threshold for pain you get a big surprise.

   I was dreading this task, and I was definitely not seeking it out. I thought it would be like cleaning out the garage, maybe? I thought it would be a physically taxing job.

    But it was that, and so much more.

     Each box held a memory. Each box held a feeling. Sometimes, the boxes held frustration or evidence of my sister's alcoholism. Mostly the boxes held items simply demonstrating a life that was no longer being lived. I took in rugs, wall art, and even refrigerator magnets that had all played a role in an active, and busy life. 

     I remembered those rugs. I sat at that table. I ate off those plates.

     Yet another new way the disease has impacted our family, and me.

     Still her younger sister but no longer anything else.

    

Small Moments

   

    I have been thinking recently about the whole idea of whether or not small moments are really big ones.

    Now hold on- here me out.

    I can't remember how I fell upon this concept but I must admit it really got me thinking.

    Now I'm not gonna bog my point down with a bunch of examples because that not only gets inside of your head but it also deflects from the power of this idea.

    How do you test this theory? I'm not there is a concrete way.

    But

    Just think of the typical milestones, or the biggest events in your life and let the idea rest there. Yes, they are important. Yes, they are significant. 

    But 

    Think of your child's first smile, think of a blade of grass covered with dew, the sound of the surf, the timber of a loved one's voice. . . . and on, and on. . . .

    Let that ruminate.

    So the next time you are out, and going about your day, try to take in a "small moment" with that different lens. 

    Slow down. Look closely.

   When you get in that groove, and stop and take things in this way, the results might be transformative.

Perseverance

   Can I just say we could learn SO much from nature if we only took the time to stop and listen? If we only took the time to stop, and bear witness. 

     I watched these guys from inside my warm and dry kitchen.There they are, in the pouring rain, devouring this songbird mix despite being pelted down upon in torrential rain. 

    I also watched them patiently waiting their turn. I don't know how they know when they are done, and  when it's the next bird's turn? They only take their share, and then they willingly let another bird have their turn. How do they measure this?

   I think of the world today. Maybe, you think I am reaching? How could I possibly be relating the behavior of birds to current events? Oh but I am. I'm looking at absolutely everything now. I'm trying to make sense of current events and basic human behavior that I have never witnessed in my lifetime.

   But I will confess that watching them take turns, persevere, and all the while implementing a sense of order is beautiful to behold.

Art Therapy?

      I spent my day yesterday like most of us I imagine- numb, shell shocked and sort of going through the motions. I did have some writing to do for a class so I did that, and then I ended up down a rabbit hole. As a former 5th grade teacher I suddenly found myself researching some U.S. history (Bill of Rights) to ease my mind.

   Not sure that happened BUT I did feel validated. Okay, Bill of Rights WAS created to balance government. Okay, Bill of Rights safeguards individual liberties.

   I digress.

   I read somewhere the power of the arts during times of despair and hopelessness.

   I think this is one of those times.

   Art therapy is producing art to release your pain, feelings, and push you out of paralysis.

   It brings about your well being and social change.

   Not sure about the last part.

   But I am going to keep writing, drawing, and doing what little I can to push back, but also being a "helper."

   That is when I'm not outside hiking, and taking deep, deep breaths.

Everyone's Perceptions

 

    My siblings and I gathered this past weekend In New Mexico for noshing, talking, outings, walking and more noshing. 

   Sadly, It had taken 36 years for us to get together and just simply hang out. We had no social events or rites of passage that drew us together this time. We gathered just for "us."

    After we sufficiently caught up on each other's family, our chatter inevitably fell upon the past. Childhood memories, talk of our grandparents, parents, and eventually a traumatic childhood event that we all shared was on the table.

   Each of us recounted our own perceptions of the chain of circumstances that led up to that event, and its' aftermath.

    A big take away that weekend for me was how each individual's perception could be radically different, somewhat different, or even similar to my own- yet all of our perceptions were right ones. All of our views of the event are correct simply because they are ours. 

     And all three versions can be true at once.

     I don't think I fully grasped this concept before this get together. I'm not sure I fully honored their lens. Almost like puzzle pieces, they all (equally weighted), fit together to create the event.

    I am also grateful for this past weekend because it not only helped me understand my brother and sister, but also love them even more.

      A second big takeaway is the fact it's both fascinating and tragic to see who in a family survives a childhood trauma and why.

      But that, my friends, is a topic for yet another slice. . . .

Dr. Nature is "In"

 

   Recently I discovered research to support what my heart and body seemed to already know: that being outside is GOOD for you.

    When I think back to childhood, I think like many children I loved playing outside. As a child, and even as an adult, I enjoyed walks, beaches, camping, hiking and even backpacking. And at the same time I  became aware of those who were indifferent to the outdoors. 

   I do think after Covid, and after some "extremely bumpy" times in my family I somehow began to find myself outside in the early mornings, nursing my cup of coffee, just hanging with the birds. And if additional resources might be needed that morning- for instance: a down jacket or even a Petzl headlamp, I complied.

    I still haven't quite mustered the umbrella, yet.

    And it was when I started noticing how I felt when traveled or something else caused me to miss my outdoor morning ritual that I decided to do some investigating.

     Who knew that my outdoor craving significantly enhanced mental, emotional and physical well being? I wasn't aware that there is actually scientific evidence that nature heals.

     And don't even get me started on forest bathing!

    Yes, being outdoors lifts mood, reduces stress, has physical health benefits and even boosts creativity, but you know what?  I  just know that I intrinsically need it.