Watching people you love fade, and ultimately die is not for the faint of heart. The irony of the shifting of roles is not lost on me. Once in a position of authority, or even an equal, and then slipping into a subservient and eventually ultimate dependent role can be so hard to watch.
Last summer's visit with my mother's best friend (and mine, too I might add) was difficult. It was three whole days of sitting at her side with just snippets of coherent conversations to show for my plane ticket. Mainly, she slept and I read on my Kindle. I know she felt my presence, and would often wake up, and talk. Though not what I had envisioned for my trip- I would still I would not have traded those moments for the world.
"Will you come tomorrow?" She pleaded as I bid my good-byes on that last afternoon. I hadn't planned on coming back. A morning visit wasn't in my over-scheduled travel plans that included rental car returns, and long security lines. I immediately assented. I made it work, got up early, and walked briskly to the hospital allowing myself just twenty minutes. It ended up being the best moments I had with her during the entire three days. She was lucid, logical and sharp as a whip.
I anxiously power walked back to the hotel, and found myself checking my watch nervously. I could feel the warm morning sun on my shoulders. Suddenly, I no longer cared. I knew she would not hesitate to do anything for me, and of course, I would do the same.
Just yesterday I had a conversation with my dad about those fleeting moments of logical conversation. He described his own mother’s last five minutes of clarity, and her message: you can never be too careful, and I have worried too much. What power there is for all of us in the last moments and messages (or silences) of those we love. You describe your trip beautifully here.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad you returned!
Your post brought back some memories for me, too, and in the remembering, they came back to me, not as dark but as light. Thank you for that spark.
ReplyDeleteKevin
Good reminder that it's not always quantity, but quality. Also, I need to remember to not let my schedule get in the way of what's truly important. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful reminder of why visiting and sitting, patiently, is so important. Thank you for this delicate and thoughtful Slice.
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