Holding it All

 

     I hate to be the one imparting cliche wisdom here- but here goes. This weekend as I spent the three days up in the mountains with some really good friends I was struck by the multiple perspectives that one can have.

     I was celebrating getting out of my Darth Vader boot (after foot surgery) and the freedom that entailed. My foot was freed from bondage and therefore I was also walking quite a bit more with less discomfort. At the same time, on my mind were both my cousin's serious illnesses. Both women, around my age are fighting for their lives with terminal illnesses. I love them both, but living far away, and not being ringside, has left me feeling a bit hopeless. 

   And to add to the mix is my sister. She is a career alcoholic who is also dying. Her body, and her organs are beginning to fail. This year she has had four emergency hospitalizations and surgeries for complications due to her drinking. Each time they patch her up, release her, and she returns right back to the cycle.

    And so I sat on our deck early Sunday morning surrounded by the quiet murmur of pine trees nestling. I heard someone else faintly in the kitchen making coffee. I smiled at the voices I heard wafting through the screen door of our cabin. but not quite making them out. I can't help but be grateful for all the great conversations I have had or listened to this weekend.  These were just spontaneous conversations about the world, politics or any other random topic.  For a second I thought about all the good food, laughter, love and even the board games that were all shared this weekend.

     And so I hold it all. I struggled slighly to get up. I stepped very carefully back into cabin. I wanted to hear what they are saying.