I found this last night while leaning over the bed, and patting my hand haphazardly on the shag carpet under my bed, in a vain attempt to find my glasses without swinging over the bed, and giving a proper search.
It is Emma's sock who is now 21, and no longer wearing these tiny lavender socks, nor the cotton short sleeved dresses that accompanied them, that she loved to slip on quickly on her way to our backyard.
As I held the tiny sock in the palm of my hand I marveled that she wore it at all? The forlorn lavender sock coated with dust immediately took me back to our backyard and the myriad of activities there. I closed my eyes and I could almost see all the sleepovers in tents ( complete w/lanterns glowing), chromatography tests w/M &M's on the picnic table, wild uninhibited sprinkler play on a blistery hot day, and colorful boats being carefully guided in a blue plastic wading pool, and so much more.
I closed my hand over the sock confidently and knew at least tonight I would not be wistfully wishing I could go back in time and do a "better job." Tonight I would not second guessing my role as a mom and wondering if I should have done things differently. Maybe, if I had just been a little more present, or focused a little bit more on them, they would have had a better childhood? I smiled ruefully to myself knowing these thoughts to be unfounded, and carefully folded the sock and placed it on my nightstand.
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