No Warm Fuzzies

I was the youngest of four and truly when I came along I pretty much think my parents were "done."  I remember wandering aimlessly through the house searching vainly for the dozen pictures of me posed on a rug, frozen, all set for my first roll over- yet there were none.  Where was my baby book citing every milestone, lost tooth or first words?  Nowhere.  After four kids I was lucky to get a place setting at the table. Believe me, I was grateful to find that thimble full of Kool-Aid at the bottom of the pitcher.
    So why, do you ask, was I expecting some warm Hallmark moment when my dad took me out to ride a bike on that warm Indiana afternoon?  And I answer, because I was an optimist.  Because I looked down that tree lined street, each tree bowing to us in a splash of crimsons, ochres and oranges, perched perfectly atop my sister's Schwinn Hollywood bike and I thought, "This is it! I'm not the baby anymore! He's going to give me special attention,"or at least that's what I thought.
   My dreams sorta did come true for about seven or so minutes.  He coached me. He guided me.  He held onto the back of the bike.  "He loves me," was my first thought. "This is easy," was my second. And then he let go.  And for a second my bike glided.  Then it hit a broken crack in the sidewalk and I  immediately fell over.  I banged my knee. "Get up!" He ordered.  I looked at him woefully. My knee was burning, and my eyes watered.  We tried again. He stayed with me a bit longer this time and ran along side the bike. My hair was blowing as I gained momentum.  Then he let go again, my bike zig-zagged and I crashed.   This time I landed on a soft mound of grass to the side of the sidewalk and my bike wheel spinned.  I was a bit stunned. "Get back on," he commanded.  This time I was angry.  This isn't fun, I thought bitterly.  I knew that tone.   And in my best interests, I got back on.
    We started down the sidewalk, we were far from our house now and I was disappointed in whole experience.  He was gruff.  I was never going to get the hang of this.  I felt his hand on my seat again.  He started running, and I pedaled faster.  All of sudden I couldn't feel the weight of his hand and he wasn't beside me anymore.  The trees flew by like a movie, and the air seemed to caress my hair.  I did it!  This is it!  He was a blur to the left of me, but I could just make out his hands on his hips, and I could swear he was smiling.